Just take a break. Go wander.

I wanted to start writing this post with something intelligent to say but honestly, I can't think of anything. So here it goes..

I took a break. For a whole week. No phone (well, I had it on but didn't use the internet as much). So, kinda no phone. No work. No homework. Just pure vacation, enjoying the outside world. 

It did me so much good. It was so relaxing to put myself in a world I wasn't familiar with. I didn't speak their language. Took the local transport. Experienced the city-agendaless (if that's even a word). It was the best thing that I could gift to myself. 

One thing that I learned from that trip was that my quiet time changed. The morning sessions with God was so beautiful. Usually, it would be "Good morning God. This, this and this is happening. I need help with this and that. What do I do with all these things in front of me?" As if He didn't know the things taking place in my life... but for the first time, I voluntarily let my mind wander. I didn't want to focus on anything and find a solution but Just closed my eyes and enjoy that moment I had. It was so peaceful. So calm and the best part is I felt this abundant force racing at the same speed as my mind. It was like this horse running through the open fields. With it's mane flying all over the place. Taking in the wind in through it's lungs and eyes focused laser sharp to thoroughly grasp every part of nature. That was me. I felt so rested but suddenly I felt so powerful when I recognized a much stronger horse running with me. Taking twists and turns through the forest. Neighing from the bottom of our lungs and conquering the land that was in front of us. 

Yep, that's what a week of rest did to me. Made me recognize everything I had. Realize the strength within me. The ability to look forward and face whatever comes my way.

The flight back was really interesting coz I thoroughly enjoyed that one week but I wasn't sure if it would last. My human thoughts kicked in and fear and doubt came back, and it almost felt like I was ready to give up on what I gained that one week and go back to square one- The place with all the boredom, overthinking, questioning, waiting and so on. I really wanted to know if that feeling would last and if I could really face reality with a new perspective. 

To my surprise, I could. The next week, I had a full plate. Three projects at work. Two classes full of assignments. Jet lag. Personal life. It was a lot. But I never felt the pressure of accomplishing those goals coz I knew that doing life was not just me but someone greater with me. It was one feeling that I was not used to but thankful to have. I had to make it a habit to recognize that presence every single day and things became so simple and easy.

I'm not gonna lie but coming back,  I have met those days from the past where it was dull and I thought life was too much to handle. Every day has not been a bed of roses. Even today, things do get tough. When I look at my bills or open up my course work or look at all the projects lined up or the worst part, plan for the next six months of my life. I just want to throw every thing in the air and go on vacation again.

 

(MEME: Perfect description of how I feel sometimes)

 It HAS been a roller coaster ride but I do need to acknowledge that at the end of the day I was able to connect with that rest that I found when I was on vacation. I found that peace. That gentleness. That calming feeling. It's all in me. 

Also, I have a dream and I have an unfair advantage to win. The secret to all my successes. So it's time that I recognize that weapon and start practicing to use it. It's just like using any tool that is given to you. How will you know what it does until you use it, work it, play with it, read the manuals and figure it out? It's the same with the weapon I possess. I need to learn first, to recognize that I possess that weapon. Two, I've read the manual but it's time to operate the machine, putting in practice what I've read. Three, use it and let it fly with me. 

I just took a deep breath after writing all this but this is life. It's all about making the best of it. 

Before I go, I want to share another meme just coz it's funny.

;)